Friday, October 15, 2010
"This girl (referring to me) really can't be forced to do what she doesn't want to do".
"It may be you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows while you know not" (Al - Baqarah 2:216)
I reflected upon that verse a number of times.
I read it once then I read it twice and I read it again.
Perhaps I was afraid to do what I disliked for I'm afraid...
that it'd be hard...and I might screw up...
and I'll end up in despair.
I guess I forgot these verses in the holy al-Quran....
"And never give up hope of Allah's mercy. Certainly no one despairs of Allah's mercy, except the people who disbelieve" (Yusuf 12:87)
"Be not sad (or afraid), surely Allah is with us" (At-Taubah 9:40).
When I was being tested with hardship I never could imagine...
(well i wish i handled things differently)
I survived the pain...
When another hardship came, history just repeats itself.
I guess I forgot...again
Allah does not place a burden more than one can bear
and I believe I should have remembered Him.
"Therefore remember Me and I will remember you..." (2:152).
"O' you who believe! Seek help in patience and the prayer" (2:153).
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest" (13:28).
"Invoke Me (ask me for anything) I will respond to your invocation" (40:60).
There's always light at the end of every tunnel.
"Allah will grant, after hardship, ease" (65:7)
Hardships benefit the believer. The best thing to do is to be patient while going through it (usaha) and remember Allah (doa & tawakkal).
'Aishah (RA) narrated that once some pain afflicted the Prophet (SAW) causing him to suffer and turn about in his bed. she said: "Had one of us done this, you would have blamed him." He (SAW) replied: " An ailment is intensified for the righteous. whenever a believer is afflicted by a hardship, whether it is a thorn or more, a sin is taken off from him because of it, and he is elevated by one rank (in Jannah). " [Ahmad]
and then I ask myself..
what have I done before in times of sorrow?
why search for a wrong shoulder to cry on
while there's sejadah to sujud on to Allah and cry
why ponder upon all the "If and only if...."s
while you could've prayed and seek help from Allah
why sing sad songs when having a bad day
while there's al-Quran to read which could bring peace to the heart
why try so hard to find short-lasting happiness
while patience would lead to the eternal one
Now I know why old people often say "I wish I could tell myself 20 years ago the things that I know now. I would've avoid that mistake".
I thought of all these, I thought of giving a change a chance and I thought if I write it in this external hard disk for my brain, I can read it again when I forgot.I found this one particular sentence from a post in a forum and I guess I can end my post with it =) :
“When light engages the heart, It causes an illumination of the path, A purification of the consciousness, An enlightenment of the intellect and an establishment of the foundations of Dhikr and Shukr and of beautiful worship..."
Sunday, October 10, 2010
from the note my sis tagged me in :
Eko Pratomo Suyatno, siapa yang tidak kenal lelaki bersahaja ini? Namanya sering muncul di koran, televisi, di buku-buku investasi dan keuangan. Dialah salah seorang dibalik kemajuan industri reksadana di Indonesia dan juga seorang pemimpin dari sebuah perusahaan investasi reksadana besar di negeri ini.
Dalam posisinya seperti sekarang ini, boleh jadi kita beranggapan bahwa pria ini pasti super sibuk dengan segudang jadwal padat. Tapi dalam note ini saya tidak akan menyoroti kesuksesan beliau sebagai eksekutif. Karena ada sisi kesehariannya yang luar biasa!!!!
Usianya sudah tidak terbilang muda lagi, 60 tahun. Orang bilang sudah senja bahkan sudah mendekati malam, tapi Pak Suyatno masih bersemangat merawat istrinya yang sedang sakit. Mereka menikah sudah lebih 32 tahun. Dikaruniai 4 orang anak.
Dari isinilah awal cobaan itu menerpa, saat istrinya melahirkan anak yang ke empat. tiba-tiba kakinya lumpuh dan tidak bisa digerakkan. Hal itu terjadi selama 2 tahun, menginjak tahun ke tiga seluruh tubuhnya menjadi lemah bahkan terasa tidak bertulang, lidahnyapun sudah tidak bisa digerakkan lagi.
Setiap hari sebelum berangkat kerja Pak Suyatno sendirian memandikan, membersihkan kotoran, menyuapi dan mengangkat istrinya ke tempat tidur. Dia letakkan istrinya di depan TV agar istrinya tidak merasa kesepian. Walau istrinya sudah tidak dapat bicara tapi selalu terlihat senyum. Untunglah tempat berkantor Pak Suyatno tidak terlalu jauh dari kediamannya, sehingga siang hari dapat pulang untuk menyuapi istrinya makan siang.
Sorenya adalah jadwal memandikan istrinya, mengganti pakaian dan selepas maghrib dia temani istrinya nonton televisi sambil menceritakan apa saja yg dia alami seharian. Walaupun istrinya hanya bisa menanggapi lewat tatapan matanya, namun begitu bagi Pak Suyatno sudah cukup menyenangkan. Bahkan terkadang diselingi dengan menggoda istrinya setiap berangkat tidur. Rutinitas ini dilakukan Pak Suyatno lebih kurang 25 tahun. Dengan penuh kesabaran dia merawat istrinya bahkan sambil membesarkan ke 4 buah hati mereka. Sekarang anak- anak mereka sudah dewasa, tinggal si bungsu yg masih kuliah.
Pada suatu hari…saat seluruh anaknya berkumpul di rumah menjenguk ibunya-- karena setelah anak-anak mereka menikah dan tinggal bersama keluarga masing-masing-- Pak Suyatno memutuskan dirinyalah yang merawat ibu mereka karena yang dia inginkan hanya satu 'agar semua anaknya dapat berhasil'.
Dengan kalimat yang cukup hati-hati, anak yang sulung berkata:
“Pak kami ingin sekali merawat ibu, semenjak kami kecil melihat bapak merawat ibu tidak ada sedikitpun keluhan keluar dari bibir bapak……bahkan bapak tidak ijinkan kami menjaga ibu." Sambil air mata si sulung berlinang.
"Sudah keempat kalinya kami mengijinkan bapak menikah lagi, kami rasa ibupun akan mengijinkannya, kapan bapak menikmati masa tua bapak, dengan berkorban seperti ini, kami sudah tidak tega melihat bapak, kami janji akan merawat ibu sebaik-baik secara bergantian”. Si Sulung melanjutkan permohonannya.
”Anak-anakku...Jikalau perkawinan dan hidup di dunia ini hanya untuk nafsu, mungkin bapak akan menikah lagi, tapi ketahuilah dengan adanya ibu kalian di sampingku itu sudah lebih dari cukup,dia telah melahirkan kalian….*sejenak kerongkongannya tersekat*… kalian yang selalu kurindukan hadir di dunia ini dengan penuh cinta yang tidak satupun dapat dihargai dengan apapun. Coba kalian tanya ibumu apakah dia menginginkan keadaanya seperti ini ?? Kalian menginginkan bapak bahagia, apakah bathin bapak bisa bahagia meninggalkan ibumu dengan keadaanya seperti sekarang, kalian menginginkan bapak yang masih diberi Tuhan kesehatan dirawat oleh orang lain, bagaimana dengan ibumu yang masih sakit." Pak Suyatno menjawab hal yang sama sekali tidak diduga anak-anaknya
Sejenak meledaklah tangis anak-anak Pak Suyatno, merekapun melihat butiran-butiran kecil jatuh di pelupuk mata Ibu Suyatno..dengan pilu ditatapnya mata suami yang sangat dicintainya itu……
Sampailah akhirnya Pak Suyatno diundang oleh salah satu stasiun TV swasta untuk menjadi nara sumber dan merekapun mengajukan pertanyaan kepada Pak Suyatno kenapa mampu bertahan selama 25 tahun merawat Istrinya yg sudah tidak bisa apa-apa....disaat itulah meledak tangisnya dengan tamu yang hadir di studio kebanyakan kaum perempuanpun tidak sanggup menahan haru.
Disitulah Pak Suyatno bercerita : “Jika manusia di dunia ini mengagungkan sebuah cinta dalam perkawinannya, tetapi tidak mau memberi waktu, tenaga, pikiran, perhatian itu adalah kesia-siaan. Saya memilih istri saya menjadi pendamping hidup saya, dan sewaktu dia sehat diapun dengan sabar merawat saya, mencintai saya dengan hati dan bathinnya bukan dengan mata, dan dia memberi saya 4 anak yang lucu-lucu..Sekarang saat dia sakit karena berkorban untuk cinta kami bersama… dan itu merupakan ujian bagi saya, apakah saya dapat memegang komitmen untuk mencintainya apa adanya. Sehatpun belum tentu saya mencari penggantinya apalagi dia sakit...” Sambil menangis
" Setiap malam saya bersujud dan menangis dan saya hanya dapat bercerita kepada Allah di atas sajadah..dan saya yakin hanya kepada Allah saya percaya untuk menyimpan dan mendengar rahasia saya..."BAHWA CINTA SAYA KEPADA ISTRI, SAYA SERAHKAN SEPENUHNYA KEPADA ALLAH".
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Akal pun list down segala cara yang ada...
Hati pun berbunga-bunga.
Dan seraya berkata, "Praktikkannya!".
Akal cuba memproses data.
Macam syntax error kat dalam calculator.
Kemudian segalanya berjalan seperti biasa.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
First time driving manual car after such a long time memang seriously horrible! Kenapa laa engine tue asyik nak membunuh diri (well actually I killed it so many times...wuu). After several practice, macam okay lah sikit, taklah as suicidal as the first time.
My problem with manual cars is that I tend to forget the necessary steps. The common one is changing the gear. Manjang lupa this one or too kalut or too cuak that I didn't change it, entah kenapa...There's this one time, tutup engine tapi tak change gear to neutral, bila start balik dia cam nak lompat ke depan. Hahahaha.. My goodness!
Recently pegi open-house with 3 gorgeous girls (my housemate, roommate & statemate..haha). As we we're about to go back from KTM (me driving), we saw a friend of ours, a guy, looking for a cab dengan kaki tempang a bit (sebab jatuh masa main basketball). Since, destinasi pun sama and the car can still fit in one more person and it's not some stranger and kesian he kaki sakit so kitorang ajak lah dia tumpang. I believe he can drive manual car sebab usually guys boleh je tapi he said he can't. Perhaps because of his kaki...So I drove...and ada mati2 engine...and termasuk lane orang...and giler horrible and when we dropped him off depan college, he asked "Esok drive pegi class?". I nodded and "A ah". And then he said "Hati-hati eh...". =.="
His comment on me driving manual car :
.rase menyesal sebab xdrive je waktu di tanya tu...seram kot..haha...tp kaki xleh nak step on the pedal la so caant help..anyway its a gud practice...bile lg nak gelabah kan?but one thing,after dah berhenti,jgn lupe shift down gear...coz dat day u stopped at the junction n gerak blk pakai 3!!mmg lerr mati enjin cik oi...
My roommate yang agak mabuk darat and jadi nauseous kalau berada dalam kereta atas jalan lama2 kata:
U drive, I x sempat pun nak rasa nauseous sebab panic. XD
Haihh...Teruk sangat nie.
Ketika itu, saya dan seorang sahabat nak pulang ke tanah tumpah darah terchenta - Pulau Pinang. Nak dijadikan cerita, management bas tue memang 'senget' laaa, kitorang beli seat sebelah2 tapi bila masuk bas tue tengok arrangement dah tukar and as a result saya dan rakan terchenta terpisah. Dipisahkan oleh beberapa line seats T_T Tragik..
Sebelah saya masih belum ada penumpang. Oleh itu saya pun dump all the bags atas kerusi tue. Tengok jam pun dah tiba masa untuk jalan nie... Tiba2 muncul seorang jejaka yang tall and dark and handsome??? (questionable..hihi). Dan...dia menuju ke arah saya. Wahhh! Saya pun tengok sekeliling. Sah2 dia bukan seberang kenalan lama atau orang baru yang ingin berkenalan dengan saya kerana semua seat dah full, konfem2 lah tempat dia sebelah saya.
Dari analysis mata saya, nampaknya macam Indian dan berusia dalam 20-an, kiranya lingkungan umur bekerja la. Setelah dia duduk di sebelah saya, masih belum ada sebarang conversation antara kami. Buat hal masing-masing. Tiba2 dia mainkan sebuah lagu di mobile phonenya.. Fuhhh it's a Chinese song! Woww so 1 Malaysia. He's an Indian dan dengar lagu Chinese. Tapi..Walaubagaimanapun...I was so annoyed because he didn't make use of his earphones. Annoying laa bukak lagu kuat2 guna handphone in public for self entertainment sebab bukan semua orang interested dengan lagu yang kita dengar =.="" But that's not the main point laa..
Moving on, tidak lama kemudian, handphone dia berdering. Dia pun angkat. Melalui percakapannya, Mak dia tue yang call. Seriously pure Penang dowh dia cakap. 100% bahasa Melayu Penang, sikit pun tak ada loghat Tamil atau bahasa Tamil mahupun Hindi yang keluar. I was like...wowww...penangite sejati dowh! (dalam atie je laaa...haha)
Lepas tue, tiba2 dia macam tidak keruan pusing sini pusing sana. So saya pun bersuara "What's wrong?"... Kemudian dia pun reply, "Kerusi nie tak boleh pegi blakang". Kerusi rosak laa tue... Maka tak apa laa... Kami pun terus membuat hal masing2. Dia tidur kowt. Sahabta saya text, saya dia tak nak duduk depan tue, dia mintak saya tanya jejaka itu sekiranya dia sudi bertukar tempat. Tapi....saya tak berani. Mana tahu tiba2 dia bertukar jadi harimau ke (hahaha impossible2).
Selepas itu, bas berhenti dia sebuah perhentian, jejaka tadi pun turun. Tidak lama kemudian, dia naik bas kembali dengan membawa satu tin air soya. Dia cuba letak tin tue dalam pocket yang ada dekat belakang seat bas tue, tapi sah2 kowt tak muat. Saya pun dengan bangganya menghulurkan bantuan meringankan beban. "Here let me hold it for you". Saya pun pegang lah. Dia reach ke atas, ke bag dia untuk ambil 2 packet roti gardenia yang dalam ada sardine tue ke bilis ke ape ntah, lebih kurang tue la. Bila dia dah settle duduk balik, saya pun serahkan kembali tin soya tue kepadanya.
Itulah titik permulaan conversation kami. Sopannya dia, dia jemput makan sekali, dia offer satu packet roti ^_^ woohoo.. Roti! Tapi saya terlupa bawak air jadi kunk tercokik den nie cemane maka saya pun senyum dan menolak tawaran hangat itu dengan baik. Wuu rugi2.. Saya tak ingat lah first cakap pasal apa tapi adalah tanya2 macam belajar mana apa semua. Saya ada la tanya dia umur berapa, dia suruh saya teka. Saya pun teka lah 20 something. Rupenya kannn, dia muda dari saya kowt...dia baru lepas SPM. Perghhh, judgement aku lari giler.. Adik rupanya! Pastu dia gtaw dia ada kakak study kat UiTM jugak tapi main campus, saya kat Intec. Kemudian, saya pun terdetik untuk tanya nama. Jeng jeng jeng....Namanya adalah Khairul something kowt, saya tak ingat ke Faizal ke ape...Alamak..Memory loss laa.. Lepas sembang lama sikit, barulah ada courage nak tanya kalau dia sudi tukar seat dengan kawan saya. And it turned out that he's a gentleman! Dia sudi =) Terima kasih banyak-banyak ya.
Bas yang kami naik kali nie berhenti kat Sg. Nibong. Dia turun disitu. Ketika dia pergi ambil bag dia, saya pun senyum kat dia dan kitorang angkat tangan to each other. tanda goodbye. Cewahh..macam kenal lama je kan. Itulah kisahnya..
Basically, apa yang dia telah ajar saya adalah NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER. Dia bukanlah Indian or Cindian or anything, tetapi anak mami rupanya, kira Melayu jugalah dan dia masih muda bukannye dah keje seperti yang saya sangkakan.
Dengan sedar atau tanpa sedar, biasanya dengan sedar, kadangkala kita judge orang giler2. Contohnya kalau kes macam seorang gadis bertudung labuh tiba2 free hair pastu ada dye & highlight atau slept with her bf or something like that atau kes anak imam murtad ke apa, confirm judgment kita terhadap individu tersebut negative habis-habisan. Usually kita main fire trus jea cakap dia nie macam nie dan macam tue dan segala. Kita jarang fikir apa mungkin sebab dia buat perkara sedemikian, apa pressure yang dia rasa, apa yang influence dia, bagaimana situasi family dia dan berbagai lagi. Bukan nak kata dia tidak salah tapi apa salahnya kalau kita membuat judgement yang lebih berasas =)
I walk in my shoes.
You walk in your shoes.
People walk in different shoes.
You don't know if i got blister on my right foot.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Saya masih berminat untuk menyatakan
10 Sebab Mengapa _________ (censored)
1. Kata orang tua-tua, gaduh-gaduh bawa bahagia
5. The Mother
6. The way you're treated
7. Words reflect intention (hidden/obvious)
8. 1 Malaysia
9. The extent of knowing each other
10. Because I said so!
Nie kalau exam mesti dapat half mark sebab takdak adequate explanation and elaboration. tapi jangan risaw, for further information, you can refer to me by calling this number 01_ - _ _ _ _ _ _ _ (confirm hang bley fill in the blanks ^^)
Sekian. Terima Kasih.
p/s - Jangan marah2. Nanti tak comel dan cantik. =P hehehhehe
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Dari koperasi, dengan milo kotak dalam tangan, dengan bibir terkunci pada straw.
Berat rasanya kepala.
Trial exam =.="
Tatkala saya melangkah masuk kelas, menuju ke tempat duduk.
Saya perasaan...dia pandang saya.
Pandangannya tak lepas, matanya seumpama terkunci.
"Kenapa?", satu-satunya perkataan yang terkeluar dari bibir saya tika itu.
Dia pun bersuara....."Tergoda...".
"Haish....marah ____ nanti!", aku lantas berkata.
"....tengok Milo tu..", dia lengkapkan ayat yang tergantung tadi.
Taknak sambung cerita.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Okay, b4 i start, yes, obviously, the previous post is jam-packed with emotion =.="""
Accidentally blurt it out here.. Ooopss.. =D
Back to choc chip cookies story...
this recipe actually dari my sister's mother-in-law. Once upon a time, me, dad and mom gi visit kakak yang just gave birth to a pretty baby girl. So, kitorg stay at my kakak punye in-laws punye house. Kebetulan Aunty Debbie buat choc chip cookies nie, I was soooo addicted to it! Time tue masih jetlag so slalu tak dapat tidur malam. As a result I spent half of my night munching the cookies....sekejap je dah separuh tupperware habis (ya ampun... fikir2 balik tak malu giler... hahahha baru darjah berapa kowt...hee~). So, sebab I really3 like, mama pun mintak la recipe kat Aunty Debbie.
Here it is...
Mix together :
1 cup butter flavoured shortening
3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon almond extract
Sift together :
2 1/2 cups white flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
Don't forget :
11.5 oz chocolate chips
1 cup nuts (walnuts/pecans)
Slowly add sifted ingredients to wet ingredients, add in choc chips + nuts. Drop by teaspoon on greased cookie sheet. Bake for around 10 minutes.
p/s - tak ada pics....actually nampak macam choc chip cookies biasa.....tapi serious Sedap! ^_^
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I used to post this on FS like years ago.
It made me laugh silently in front of the computer screen.
Darling here..Darling there..
Baling here..Baling there..
I die for U..
"You die, up to you"..
Lagi lama married..
You die, i help you!
You go anywhere..I follow u
You go anywhere..up to you..
Lagi lama married..
You go anywhere better get lost!!
"You are my heart,you are my love"
"You get on my nerves"
"You are sweet and kind like Cinderella"
"You are worse than Godzilla"
Roses are red, violets are blue..Like it or not, I'm stuck with you..
Roses are dead, I am blue,you get on my head i will sue
Every makan he brings you to Shangri-La
You want to go,he says you wait-la
She look likes Anita Sarawak..
Don't know whether katak or biawak..
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
And I found this... Quite funny! ^^
C = cubit kiri, kanan rasa.
I = impian indah ibarat syurga.
N = nikah impian utama.
T = taat setia membawa bahagia.
A = awal dan akhir bersama-sama
C = cuka yang dituang pada luka.
I = iblis yang merosak minda.
N = nafsu semata-mata.
T = tuba yang dibalas semula.
A = api dalam neraka.
K = kongsi semua suka duka.
A = abang adik, ayang anja.
S = sumpah janji di bibir sentiasa.
I = istana bahagia dah dicipta.
H = hatiku hatimu jua.
K = kaki tangan naik kat kepala.
A = abuk pun tara, nak makan apa??
S = simpati langsung tak ada.
I = ironi membakar jiwa.
H = hidup mati sama je.
S = sikit-sikit SORRY, sikit-sikit SORRY, mengada!
A = asal free mesti nak jumpa.
Y = you lap me, I lap you!
A = apa saja sanggup diduga.
N = nak itu, nak ini... mesti dapat.
G = gula-gula, coklat, teddy bear hadiah utama.
S = salah sikit kiamat dunia.
A = air tak sedap, basahlah mata.
Y = yang betul dia je.
A = ada takde, bagi anak reti la.
N = nak dilawan, digelar derhaka.
G = gaduh sampai lebam.
H = hanya dikau yang daku cinta.
A = air paip pun manis macam gula.
T = tak jumpa sehari boleh jadi gila.
I = igauan indah tak terkira.
H = hantu jembalang lagi sempurna.
A = air mata jadi teman setia.
T = tempat mengadu dah tak ada.
I = ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa... nak buat macam mana?
tetapi yg seharusnya ialah...
C-Cinta sebelum berkahwin, biar sederhana, tak melanggar batas agama
I-Impian rumahtangga dirancangkan bersama (bkn praktikal seblm nikah)
N-Nikah didahulukan pembuka gerbang kebahagiaan
T-Timang cahaya mata sbg pengikat kasih sayang
A-Amalkan perintah Tuhan, Insyaallah bahagia membawa ke syurga.
K-Kasih berputik dikala pertunangan diikat
A-Akad dilafaz cinta berbunga
H-Harumlah kasih sepanjang zaman
S-Sayangkan Isteri kasihkan suami
A-Ada masalah, dibincangkan bersama
Y-Yang ringan sama dijinjing, berat sama dipikul
A-Amalkan hidup bertoleransi
N-Nak kekalkan bahagia, itu usaha bersama
G-Gaduh sesekali tu perkara biasa
H-Hati suami mesti dijaga
A-Apatah lagi hati isteri yang mudah tersentuh
T-Tanggung-jawab dipikul bersama
I-Isteri tak makan hati, suamipun tak cari ganti
Friday, August 20, 2010
It's like natural selection acted on me.
You're the natural selective factor.
I have enough emotional variation to survive.
And to adapt with your presence, I evolved.
To be Mrs. Perfect for you.
And I guess speciation occurred to me too
I tend to be flirtatious around only you.
I hope you wouldn't be like the environment
The drawback is that my heart would lose a shelter
and source of love to retain its warmth.
Besides that, kindly avoid human activities such as
random flirtation, infidelity and etc.
These activities might result in destruction of my heart.
Last but not least, my nature selected you to be my Mr. Right.
Are you willing to co-evolve with me?
At the moment, I have my heart in my hands, waiting for you to take it.
It's fragile and this unfavourable environment might result in some changes if left for a long period of time. Therefore, I hope to hear from you as soon as possible.
Your Faithful Lover Wannabe
Monday, August 16, 2010
We always have choices (well, except when we have to face death)
Maybe at one point in our life, we're fated to lose everything in a glimpse, but we always can choose either to stand up and walk OR whine and go crazy and end up in the mental hospital or begging by the road side.
We often encounter this in our lives - we're told that it's compulsory for us to do blablabla, we must do it like blablabla, submit this paper on blablabla. Compulsory? Must? Need? We still have a choice. Breaking the rule is a choice. We can either just follow OR rebel and do it our way. Wise men always consider the consequences of their action.
Sometimes we get criticized/ humiliated/ scolded in front of a bunch of human beings and end up feeling useless, worthless, discouraged, stupid. We could let ourselves drown in misery and turn from bad to worst etc OR just continue doing whatever we're doing if it's right/ fix what we can to make things right. Mahatma Gandhi once said "Whatever you do will be insignificant but it is important that you do it."
There will be times in our lives when we'll have to bear losing someone so significant, someone we truly love that it'd feel like half of our soul is taken away. Lifeless. We could have just jump off some skyscraper and die OR learn to cope with things that happened, get over the grieving phase.
Most of the time, I have a bunch of things to do - exercises to complete, subjects to study for coming tests, assignments to be reviewed and those things are like a huge backpack full of stones being put on my back. I can just force my soul to sit and study like there's no tomorrow OR chill out, hang out and last but not least deal with some drawbacks of my action. Everything has a price to pay. I learnt to pay for things I think worth paying for, things that would make me smile i guess. I realised that it hurts, it really hurts even if you get everything but at the end of the day, you feel like sitting down somewhere isolated and cry. Sometimes I do make stupid decisions, I choose worthless things, I do useless activities, I talk nonsense...well it's the imperfection that makes everyone perfect right ^_^
There's always OR.
Our willpower will determine the answer.
I talk to someone about my blog and she said "You got time for that?".
Well I'm not really that free la =P
This is something I saw somewhere, it sounds something like this - We never have time for anything. If we want to do something, we gotta make time for it.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Now i'd like to confess the truth in this post.
I was pregnant...
My baby was already 8 months...
I was lying down thinking about my future. I will be going to pursue my degree next year.
And this baby of mine will soon be born. Being pregnant gave me such a wonderful feeling. The feeling of expecting a baby =) I was really happy.
I went to my brother's house, he wasn't there, my sister-in-law was at home. I was wearing pants and it's really uncomfortable because it's sort of tight, pushing my belly. I asked my sis-in-law for a kain batik. I really need to change to something loose. She then said, "Haa.. baru kamu tawu macam mana tak selesa time pregnant... hehe". I smiled.
Despite the uncomfortable-ness i had to go through during the pregnancy, I was really excited to see my baby, to raise him/her, to hear him/her calling me 'Mama'.
After I changed into kain batik, I sat down on the couch and started reading a newspaper.
Suddenly...all of sudden...unexpectedly...I woke from my sleep =.=""
That was a wonderful unforgettable dream^_^ It's sorta ridiculous and I'm just 19. It'd be teen pregnancy but it's kinda a nice experience to know how it feels like to be a mother-to-be though it's just in a dream. =)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Love is beautiful.
Life is full of uncertainties, we never know what's gonna happen next.
Bitching about things is healthy.
This story was told by my Biology lecturer.
A friend of hers passed away during their second year of degree.
The girl had a boyfriend. When she got back from dating, usually she'd tell them all good things that happened. But actually both of them were having financial problem. He didn't have a stable job. Adding to the problem, they actually bought a car together.
Basically from her story, I can say that the friend actually kept all the sorrows to herself. She kept all the tales of woe to herself up to a point when her body can't take it anymore. She started acting weird. For example, she look at the mirror and say 'Im beautiful, I'm beautiful' (something like this la). And, she suddenly laughed in the class, suddenly moody. There's this one day, they had a group presentation. The others told the lecturer that she's not going to present because she;s not feeling well. During the presentation, she actually got up from her seat and came in front to do her part but suddenly she was blank and she just stared at the board. After some time, her brother noticed the change in her behaviour so he took her to the hospital. She was admitted to the mental ward.
The doctor asked the friends (including my lecturer) to come and see her and the doc need to get some details too. Her condition was pathetic. She was umm... wrapped (I don't know how to describe this but she's in that particular outfit that restricts the movement of mentally troubled people). She cried and asked them to get her off the outfit. She still remember her friends. Sadly, as time passed by, she started to forget things. She forgot how to do many things, how to go to the bathroom and more.
Several months (or weeks, I don't remember) later, she died suddenly. On the day of her funeral, blood came out from her ears, nose (rongga2 badan la.. what is this called in english eh? body holes? ok, sounds wrong). After being checked, that happened because of something like internal bleeding. Her brain was severely damaged.
Another sad thing is - her boyfriend never show up ever since she was admitted to the hospital.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Rindu both of them datang hug me and say I love you, Tina!
So sweet of them ~
There they are, Aisha & Sabrina. Zach dekat belakang.
So this is the story...
We're all in the car on our way back home.. I've been layan-ing them with I-Spy game la, Rock Paper Scissors la and macam2 laa... And then they said "Tina, I love you"
So instead of just replying "I love you too", I asked "How much do you love me??"
Aisha said "Infinity and Beyond!"
Then I asked Sabrina "How much do you love me?"
Sabrina said "One hundred!!"
probably that's the biggest number she could think of...
Kids are so cute, aren't they ~
This a story from last year's Raya break. I went back with my sister's friend (to penang). She has a son, i forgot how many years old but he can speak quite fluently. His name is Faaris. A very cute boy. I spent 2 nights at their place before going back to Penang on the third day. Me and Faaris got along very well. The day before going back to Penang he was playing a hula hoop, then he was hitting his grandma with the hula hoop. The grandma held on to the hoop but he was pulling it so hard that when she loosen her grasp, he straight away fell on the carpet and accidentally bit his own lips, it bled. The next day, in the car, during our journey back to Penang, his mom asked about yesterday's incident and he accused his grandma to be jahat. Hahahha. And then his mom said something that he disagreed with so he said
"Nanti Faaris pukul nenek, pukul Aunty Mashi (his mom's friend who balik skali with us), pukul mama".
He didn't mention my name.
His mom then asked why I was excluded.
Then Faaris answered
"Sebab nanti bila Faaris besar, Faaris nak kawen dengan kak Tina"
Everybody in the car laughed XD Hahahhahaha
I said "Tak nak la kawen dengan Faaris, Faaris pendek."
And he actually merajuk! (and actually hit me too)
And i had to pujuk..
Anyway... the thing is - Kids are so cute! Seronok tengok telatah budak2. Haha
Monday, June 21, 2010
I was so into Chemical Engineering after SPM.
As someone who like to relax a lot, I wanted to take a diploma.
And it was OBJECTED by my dad.
I did not want to go overseas too.
So I never plan to take JPA's offer.
I applied cuz my dad wanted me to.
I entered Kolej Matrikulasi Kedah.
Taking Sains Fizikal.
But then the JPA letter arrived at my house's mailbox.
And my dad seemed like really hoping that I would change my mind.
I pitied him... For the sake of pity... Oh dear.. I changed my mind...
And get myself into something I never wanted.
I find it's really hard to fight the feeling of regret.
I hated it when I do things half-heartedly.
I never liked waking up in the morning with a sudden sadness thinking I shouldn't have changed my mind. =.="
Segala yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Mungkin ini satu ujian. Mungkin ini satu pengajaran.
So what's with 2 + 4 = 24?
Today our results are out.
Average 81 i think, did not remember.
It's a B.
But living a life half-heartedly is like...like...somehow... in a way... meaningless.
Something has to change.
Paradigm or Action.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
i was then drowned in my work and didn't pay attention to her story until i heard "...God is half boy and half girl...". I was like "How do you know that?", sorry i forgot her answer.. And then i told her "God doesn't have gender ____". She replied something I don't remember and the she said "Wouldn't it be good if there are more Gods so they can get married and have children...".
I was speechless!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
A 19-year-old boy jumped into the river after answering a phone call. According to a witness, he looked like he was arguing something with someone on the phone. After the call ended, he sat for a while and then leaped into the river. I'm not sure whether his body was found yet but from the investigation done, his girlfriend's family objected their relationship which might be the reason he had that argument on the phone and decide to jump into the river, commit suicide la easy to say. The thing is - the girl's family didn't accept him.
It is generally accepted that Malaysia is facing a lot of baby-dumping cases nowadays. Recently, a baby was buried alive (macam reverse ke zaman jahiliah lak). There had been so many stories about baby-dumping. Some of these irresponsible women left their babies in front of mosques, some just put the baby in plastic bags, some dumped their babies in the garbage-dumping place (err im not sure what's the word, yang bekas besar untuk buang sampah yang majlis perbandaran punye tue...), some actually burned their babies and macam2 lah. What were they thinking? It's a life we're talking about!
I remember i said 'irresponsible women' above but the fact is, the blame should not be put solely on them. Because they're the ones who got pregnant aka carry the babies? What about the men? The super duper stupid jerk who impregnated them and ask them to abort/dump the baby or do nothing and run away as soon as they knew their girlfriend is pregnant. So, why are these women treating their illegitimate child this way? Mainly because the society would not accept her and her baby. That's why these women are trying to erase what they had done, make things as if they never happen and continue their life as usual though i bet they'd be haunted by the guilt for the rest of their lives.
The thing is - the society could not accept illegitimate children. And they.. they just don't know what to do or where to go. Panic! If they bring the baby home, they might get chased around the village by their fathers with parangs or their parents would disown them. Basically, they would not be accepted. People would look at them in such a way that you'd feel the whole world don't want you anymore. As for men, who'd want that kind of woman? Some with sincere love would but that's a minority. Some friends might leave you. Who'd want to be in that situation?
I just knew yesterday that in Malaysia we actually have this phone line for single mothers in distress. I don't know what's the number though, I heard from my sister. I don't think it is ever advertised or maybe it was but unfortunately the message didn't reach the whole Malaysia. Everyone is supposed to know the existence of that line. And also the house for single mothers. The society should try to accept these people and help them. They made a mistake, we shouldn't let them be and they'd made another mistake. Instead, they should be protected and guided. Some argued that accepting them in the community would mean encouraging pre-marriage sex or teenage pregnancy. There are different ways of accepting things - we can accept something as a norm or accept something as a mistake and try to make things right. The choice is in our hands but in this case i believe this should be accepted as a mistake. Dan bukankah anak itu anugerah Allah...
During last night's family dinner, we were talking about this issue and my stepmother asked my sister who stays in Florida (she came back for holiday) "Dekat US sana takde kes buang anak ke? ". My sister paused for a while and think, and she said "Ada ka eh? Rasa macam takdak...". And she cakap2 la.. It's because over there it accepted in the society to be pregnant before getting married or being a single mom but it's not like they're making it a lifestyle, they prefer to avoid it also. Unlike Malaysia, the churches would fund/make/develop centres for these people to leave their children if they wish to do so, centres for single mothers themselves, they'd give financial aid and more. As my sister said, kadang2 tengok gereja2 nie lagi banyak buat aktiviti kemasyarakatan. I think jawatankuasa masjid kita should start buat aktiviti kemasyarakatan juga.
Banyak problem actually arise dari masalah acceptance. Suicide la, murder la apa la. Teenagers yang terlibat dalam masalah2 sosial mungkin berbuat sedemikian untuk dapat acceptance kawan2. Anak2 buat macam2 untuk dapat acceptance ibu bapa.
Sometimes people need to learn to accept. Though we have a list of possible risks of something, we should still look at the bright side. Impossible is nothing. Here's a good example : Once upon a time a meteor hit Smallville, the next day, the world gets Superman =D
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Tempat yang lebih spesifiknya adalah longkang kat pintu pagar belakang.
Matanya jelas mempersembahkan sebuah rasa Fear dan akulah Factor nye.
Tubuhnya seperti merayu dibelai.
Ketika itu baru lepas hujan.
Aku cuba manghampirinya.
Perlahan - lahan.
Takut2 langkahku membuatnya takut.
Akhirnya dapat juga membelai kamu!
Dia sangat comel!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
|The Road Not Taken|
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
|And sorry I could not travel both|
|And be one traveler, long I stood|
|And looked down one as far as I could|
|To where it bent in the undergrowth;||5|
|Then took the other, as just as fair,|
|And having perhaps the better claim,|
|Because it was grassy and wanted wear;|
|Though as for that the passing there|
|Had worn them really about the same,||10|
|And both that morning equally lay|
|In leaves no step had trodden black.|
|Oh, I kept the first for another day!|
|Yet knowing how way leads on to way,|
|I doubted if I should ever come back.||15|
|I shall be telling this with a sigh|
|Somewhere ages and ages hence:|
|Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—|
|I took the one less traveled by,|
|And that has made all the difference.|
Deceived by my own perception, Trusted too much on the beautiful promises
Ignoring the little voice in my heart
I'm considering a U-Turn, though there's much to lose in return
But life is fair..always fair
One door closed, Another will be wide open
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Night journey... woohoo! ^_^ bley bercengkerama dengan Miza di bawah sinaran bulan dan hembusan air con bus. Hahahha =D
On the way to CIMB (after buy ticket, tggl RM6 jea dlm wallet.. haha), nak cross jalan when suddenly ada Yamaha RXZ kuning putih heading towards me. Miza was like
"Eeyhhhh, aku tak nak mati lagi".
Hahahhaha... As usual, she forgot my name at times she REALLY should remember. Me, her, Mummy, were laughing like hell. Klakar seyh ayat warning Miza. Haha. Punya duk gelak tak ingat dunia till bro kdai perabot ole2 tue usha ktorg smbil geleng2 kpla. =P
While having dinner at McD, both chumil girls sat beside me, I was in the middle... Both looked unhappy so i said "Nape dua2 owg sbela aku nie com jeaa...?". I cubit-ed their cheeks. Haha. Liked that~ Suddenly Mummy turned to me, cubit back my pipi and said "U pun..com jugak, kalau tak, tak la orang kata kita kembar..". (FYI, many thought we're twins..though...da banyak kali we both stood in front of the mirror trying to circle the similarities tapi couldnt figure that out ~) My face da pelik. Miza's face da pelik. Rupanya Mummy thought COM is the abbr for COMEL! Haha.. Yeah, mummy yeah, you're COMEL!