Of PRP (Part 2)

So.. the first post was some sort of introduction/mukaddimah. Of PRP...well...it's pretty unpleasant to recall the stressful moments but c'est la vie...

I didn't took up any part/full time job at any retail pharmacy nor did I study throughout the 'waiting period' (dari grad sampai posting). I was basically busy 'embracing' motherhood. So..yeah, I started with the leftover memories of what I learnt back then in uni and with a little bit of quick last minute research like what phone apps that'll help...teehee~

My first station was satellite pharmacy which does ward supply to 3 wards. It's relatively light in the sense that I get to take some time to familiarize with the computerised pharmacy system, medications available in the hospital and the common dosages. Oncalls starts after 1 month of working and locums starts after 2 months so the first few weeks were pretty okay (kot). The real hassle starts when you have to cope with reports, presentations, oncalls, locums, homeworks, going back late to finish PRP workload aside from being a PRP from 8 to 5 (especially when it's clinical attachment). Oh..adding to that is - household chores, mommy chores, wife chores. Maybe I'll talk about being PRP and a mom in next post.

There were overwhelmingly a lot of medication and dosage forms and dosages and calculations to remember. And there are special techniques and counselling points for some. It is impossible to know everything by heart in the first few weeks unless you're super-competent or a prodigy which I am not. I was just one little PRP overwhelmed with the amount I had on my plate to swallow. I did ask seniors how to actually know all that and their answer (which will also be my answer if anyone asks me) was that the knowledge/skills will develop with time. Some might take quite a while, some took shorter time...but preceptors won't be happy when you can't answer and you'll feel the pressure. Another pressuring situation would be at the counter screening medications with a long line of patients and you barely remember the usual dose, amount of certain prepacked medication/strengths available plus still a tortoise at calculating paediatric doses. Phew~ Again, practice makes perfect. After 1 year, I still open the Blue Book/lexicomp/ask or look around though. I forget and sometimes I never encountered and dont know. I human.

Of all things I have to do during the various attachments, I think I despise ward rounds during clinical attachment. Not because of questions or whatsoever but the physical part of it - standing for a longgggg time. Lenguh pinggang. I have no idea how everyone else remained so calm and collected sampai habis round. Me, dah suku pun dah cannot pay attention to specialist because rasa pinggang nak tercabut. Specialist tanya about NOAC pun I thought Norad (Noradrenaline) - it was medical ward bukannya ICU, dah kenapa nak bagi Norad kannnn. Maybe it has something to do with the fall I had back then when I was 13. I really had a hard time following rounds. I'd be envying the patients lying on their beds and when I saw empty beds I'd be fantasizing lying down. Yes, that desperate.

Another challenging part would probably be the "customer service" part when you have to deal directly with patients...be it at the counter or at the bedside. Customer service is always 'something' and senior pharmacists would probably have faced more and a larger variety of customer issues. The unique challenge in my PRP setting, for me (in my opinion) would be the language and knowledge barrier. Many patients came from the outskirts of town or some village far far away and couldn't speak/understand other than their native languages (as for where I worked in, it's Iban). Also,many weren't schooled hence the inability to read. Some don't recognize numbers. Some can't tell time. I'll update this part later.

PRP would probably be un-survive-able without awesome friends and kind colleagues/seniors. You and probably others too can't and won't know everything hence the beauty of helping others and getting help. I can't be more thankful to the friend that picked up my calls during odd hours to entertain questions like how to supply this med and where do they keep this med...the friend who stayed back to guide me doing extemporaneous eye drops during oncall...the friend who helped with queries...the friend who let me practice counselling on her...the friend who shared references...the friend who gave tips for the next attachment...the friend who let me use her copies of counselling leaflets...the friend who'd hear my frustrations, belanja makan, tolong tapau etc etc...the PPF who helped me counsel in Iban...the PPF who shares food...the PPF who helped out with screening meds...the senior who gave motivation & guidance...the senior who'd welcome your questions etc etc ....there's too much to list out. May Allah bless all of them.

Baru habis PRP. Baru setahun jagung. There's a lot more to learn. FRP will definitely come with it's own challenges pulak.

TBC

Of PRP (Part 1)

Fatima around 6 months old...when mama was still a housewife.

Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah

that one-year-I'll-never-want-to-repeat of being provisionally registered pharmacist has finally ended (which means a start of something new but hey lets hooray for this first after all sweat & tears).

April 25 last year was the beginning and alhamdulillah I managed to get posted in the small town hubs is currently working in - Bintulu. Small as in "boleh pusing habis dalam satu hari", as hubs said it. Basic facilities/amenities were available - public pool, library, banks, golf club, futsal court, malls, Watson, Guardian, KFC, Secret Recipe (ehh :P) etc. There's no Parkson/Jusco/Tesco here except for the newly brought in Econsave, the rest are local supermarkets that goes by the name Tai Kwong, Sing Kwong and more. Coming from Penang, it was a big shift (a survivable one) in the environment and what's available. Houses' cost/rent rates are similar to Penang regardless of the hugeeee development gap, probably due to the concentration of oil & gas companies here. So does grocery items (maybe ada port yang murah which i'm yet to discover). Kedai makan/street food aren't like what you can find in the streets of Penang (food haven kannn) and the prices here boleh tahan jugak la (Kuih-muih is most of the time 1 ringgit for 2 - 3 pieces so when we were buying kuih in semenanjung recently, hubs confidently ordered for 2 ringgit of this and that and we ended up with plastic-full of segala cucuq bagai, nala punya banyak). But traffic here is a breeze. There's no hassle to go out super-early for work to avoid heavy traffic except on stormy/rainy days.

In terms of what to do on weekends here...there's Pantai Tanjung Batu for lepaking (there's quite a number of stalls there, menu ranges from buntut/kepak ayam, abc, pisang cheese, satay, rojak buah/sotong to the goreng-gorengs like nugget/hotdog and of course beach mestilah ada air kelapa but most of the time we ordered we get old kelapa and rojak consisting of mainly cucumber). Takdak la nak boleh pekena laksa penang/utara sambil kena tiup angin laut bruu bruu. There's a club where members can access badminton courts, pool, meeting halls etc - hubs plays badminton here and some days we'd bring Fatima to the pool. The masjid here has an archery club for kids and there are a few archery centres here. No bowling or cinemas yet but I heard they're coming soon. There's also a recreation park with mini zoo, was poorly maintained but just recently the development authority started renovation. Then there's Taman Milennium, a big park with playgrounds and jogging track. It's basically a small town with a little bit of this and that. One might find it boring initially but once you figure out places/keep updated with public events, you'll find it okay except for prices of stuffs/food/houses/etc, yang ni sakit sikit, ouch! (You'll get used to it eventually but bila balik semenanjung tengok harga, terasa jugak la)

Nevertheless, because here is where me & hubs started living together in our own rented house and because this is where Fatima grew up in her first few months until now that she's 1 year plus, because this is where I started as the lonely and depressed fulltime housewife until I got my PRP posting and became the stressed out PRP mom ....this place, this rented house we're currently staying in hold priceless memories. Memories of making a house a home, watching Fatima's first crawl, first steps, listening to Fatima's first words, going for family outings/vacations... Life is not all pretty but these beautiful memories are the ones that'll make you look back and smile.

Speaking of memories as PRP.....

TBC

Bibliografi sanubari

Dan kau ajari aku apa rasanya ini
kemudian apa rasa kehilangannya
Dan kau tunjukkan dia yang aku ingin
kemudian dia yang aku bukan
Dan kau penuhi setiap kekosongan
kemudian melukis garis
Dan kau bukan milikku di permulaan
kemudian bukan jua di akhir
Dan kau seolah segalanya yang aku impi
kemudian menjadi sesuatu yang aku benci
Dan kau dikenang saban hari
kemudian bukan sebagai yang indah lagi
Dan kau biar aku berlari pergi
kemudian berharap aku tetap disisi
Dan kau hampir bunuh aku
tapi aku tak mati.

cubaan menterjemah
The Bibiliography of Strings by Iain Thomas.

Stuffs I learn from pregnancy and childbirth

I was a pretty lazy and clueless mom-to-be, staying in hostel, juggling with assignment, reports, lab sessions, clerkships in hospital, classes. Roughly took care of the basics and a little extras. Took a number of things for granted. So, there were a number of things I wish I did, I wish I knew and some that I'm glad I did. Might not be able to recall all so here's few that I wish to save here.

#1 Do research, read, learn, ask, google about pregnancy and labor stuffs like healthy diet during pregnancy, practices to ease childbirth, milk boosters etc and do put them into action. 

#2 Palmer's cocoa butter cream for preventing stretchmarks works wonders provided that you apply it before the stretchmarks appear. 

#3 Consume olive oil on a regular basis. Biiznillah, it may ease childbirth. Suggested by one of my lecturers. They have olive oil in capsules nowadays so need not go through the discomfort of swallowing the oil. I started late and pretty much regret that.

#4 Glucose drink during pregnancy may help prevent jaundice in newborns - a pharmacist told me. Not sure how and whether this really works for everyone but she spoke from experience. Sis-in-law's recommendation was Ribena and air sengkuang cina (water chestnut).

#5 Learn about perineal massage and you may do it or get help to get it done. From kakak's labor experience in the US, nurses would do perineal massage in the labor room. I'm not sure which hospital in Malaysia provides that or whether it is upon request. 

#6 Attend prenatal classes if possible. I didn't and kinda regret that.

#7 Solcoseryl jelly works wonders on episiotomy wound.

#8 Sitz bath is really great to ease the pain down there and somehow helps to trigger bowel movement. For cleaning purpose, instead of just warm water for the sitz bath, asam keping and a bit of salt may be added. From sis-in-law's experience at Bagan specialist, the hospital provides sitz bath in the ward. I didn't get that. Sobs. But million thanks to sis-in-law for pharmacy-hopping to find the sitz bath basin for me. From kakak's experience in US, the hospital provides sitz bath and even let you bring the basin home. And not just that, they too give squirt bottles which squirts water gently, in which you could fill with warm water for washing down there. Kakak brought hers for me.

#9 Check if the hospital provides infrared or UV therapy for episiotomy wound. Sis-in-law got that and it was pretty helping with the healing, she said. 

#10 There are plenty of stuffs for pregnancy and baby which you don't really need. The marketing people made them sound like a necessity but nah they're not. It's easy to think  you need them and end up getting those unnecessary stuffs when you have plenty of money in hand. Best decision is when you have financial limitation, you'll tend to consider a lot of things and reconsider and maybe reconsider again. Aha. 

#11 Choose the most comfortable place possible for confinement. Consider less about what other's got to say. Listen to yourself. Because you're the one who will be in pain and much discomfort. And know that you will need lots of help so do ask for help when you need and let yourself be helped.

#12 Use suitable barut/bengkung/corset whatever as early as possible. Starting late might make it somewhat difficult to get back in shape. You don't want to look like 3 months pregnant even after baby is already out for 3 months. Ahaha siapalah tu kan.

#13 Not all elderly tips/advices are right/safe though many are. Do research/ask doctor etc.

#14 Tell your gynae about your birth plan. Make sure they are aware of how you want it to be like all natural, no induction etc. Make sure you know their plan as well like if there's complication other than the ones that would need c-sec, what would they resort to - vacuum, forcep etc. 

#15 Pregnancy and childbirth experience would differ from one person to another. Some could happily dance through all that, literally. Some had a truly tough time. Some are in the middle. C'est la vie.

#16 You gotta be strong and stay strong. 

Fatimatuzzahrah 7 days old :)

Rawak

It's been a while... been busy with final year, pregnancy, long distance marriage and whatnot...and at the end or shall I say now, when I finally decide to bring this blog back to life, I'm not sure where to start so I guess I'll just go random first :D

#1 A year could do so much. 360 days ago from this date, I was just married, going into final year of my studies, staying in hostel and now I've alhamdulillah graduated with a baby girl and moved in with husband. Being put that way, things really sounded like a smooth sail don't they, but God knows what the 360 days were like.

#2 Not sure what's becoming of Malaysia's economy but am starting to feel the aftermath. Price hiked like crazy, currency falls, addition of taxes, increasing toll charges, corruption here and there etc. The feel of the effect is less intense when you're just staying with parents and they pay for almost everything. Once money has to come out from your own purse....

#3 How sure are we that when we die, our path is straight to heaven?

I was in the middle of one of my monthly pregnancy check-up when the head nurse in the clinic which was in the same room got pissed off over something her son told her on whatsapp -  slippers with one of Hindu gods printed on it being sold somewhere (she's a Hindu). 

And that reminded her of an incident perhaps couple of weeks ago - a Muslim pregnant mom came for check-up with her little boy around kindergarten age. The boy noticed the dot the head nurse got on her forehead (is it bindi...I'm not sure what it is called but I know for sure it's not sindoor) and he said to his mom something like "Look Mom, she got that dot on forehead, if she dies, she'll go to hell." . I was surprised but that for sure couldn't beat how surprised the head nurse was when someone said that to her face. I don't remember exactly but the mother got very very embarrassed and sort of pinched the little boy or something and tell him to be quiet. Anyhow, the head nurse just had to say something so she went "I know I'm Hindu, I'm going to hell but is the heaven yours to decide like this?". Of course, no answers. The end.

The head nurse then went on about how she taught her kids to respect all other religions. It's like respecting mom, she said. You respect me because I'm your mom but doesn't mean you can be disrespectful to other mothers out there, they are moms too and they deserve the same respect. Same goes to God.

No, the heaven is never ours and who are we to decide oh that man, he's not going to go to heaven, hell's doors would be wide open for him. Nauzubillah but we're not even a confirmed resident of Jannah, We only get to enter by His mercy (may Allah grant us that). And who knows how the other's gonna end up. That man who killed a 100 others died in repentance and was granted Jannah.

God knows where that kid got that idea but that incident truly highlighted that raising kids is really really really a BIG deal. Can I say, I'm scared T_T

#4  Being a fulltime housewife at the moment gave me the privilege to watch tv more. Not to my surprise, almost all Malay dramas are about - kahwin paksa and the guy is trying to win the girl's heart, kahwin paksa and the guy is bad but at the end he realize his wife is great and he actually loves her very much and it seemed like it's already too late but naa it's not, suka sama suka tapi family tak suka, annoying boss and poor girl, triangle love...too much repetition, different storyline but same idea, sadly. It's really isn't easy to come up with good storyline and script and people always wanna sell what sells regardless of quality but...

#5 Where can I find roti naan in Bintulu? Mana satu rumah sewa yang decent below 1k? Beberapa batang daun kari  (batang panjang macam pembaris pendek) costs seringgit lebih, seriously? Apple dua ringgit lebih sebiji, seriously?  Cheap halal street food? Tomyam thai-like?

#6 Kedai-kedai makan here in Bintulu have a good practice regarding spoons and forks hygiene. Spoon and fork would be either wrapped in tissue or served in a cup of hot water. Belum jumpa lagi la yang serve sudu garfu dalam bunch banyak-banyak sekali dalam satu bekas yang pindah-pindah ke meja ni meja tu, orang ni pilih, orang tu pilih, dia ni pegang dia tu pegang.

#7 Hujan batu di negeri orang, hujan emas di negeri sendiri. Haha. I miss Penang so much.

#8 Since she could see and smile, my baby girl, Fatima has been waking up every morning smiling when I say Good Morning excepttttttt on my birthday on which she woke up crying and was fussy much that day. It just have to be on Mama's birthday ehhh~

#9 Was trying to order Pizza Hut's triple pack just now. The price I saw in the ad was RM39.90. In the delivery website, it says 49.90. When I try to order, it's 52.90. Apekahhh?? Was pretty much in a rush so I didn't bother to research the price difference. Aaaand no, didn't go for that. Went for some cheaper alternative in the menu =.="

#10

The Solemnization

Pagi yang pastinya dan ternyata berbeda. I'd be lying if I said there were no jitters. Indescribable, how hopes and fears filled the heart, how one trying to outdo another and the struggle to bring that to balance. Nearly three years and we arrived at this point. Saat sebuah perjanjian bakal termeterai. Saat sebuah amanah bakal beralih bahu. Saat sebuah tanggungjawab baru bakal perlu digalas. Saat sebuah taat bakal berubah. Saat yang haram bakal menjadi halal. Saat kenalan bakal menjadi keluarga. Saat yang mengubah. Saat yang hanya pada Tuhan aku mampu berserah, dalam harap, dalam takut.

Akad nikah was around 11.15 am August 2 2014. Barangkali cuma Tuhan yang mengerti berkocaknya rasa dalam jiwa itu bagaimana. Sitting in the hall, surrounded by dear family and friends, sungguh, tak ada wajah yang berani aku pandang. Tak ada tangan yang berani aku capai pegang. Ada yang bilang, pandanglah dia melafaz nanti. Sungguh, rasa tak termampu. Dan ayah pun mula dengan lafaz ijabnya. Dan dengan sekali lafaz, qabul. 

Entah bagaimana mahu diucap rasanya mendengar nama sendiri setelah 'Aku terima nikahnya...'. Entah bagaimana mahu diucap rasanya, terlafaznya semua itu dengan suaranya dia. Dia yang tak pernah aku sangka dipertemukan a little less than tiga tahun yang lalu. Dia yang tak pernah aku sangka akan bersila disitu, menggengam tangan ayah, mengambil sebuah amanah. Dia yang tak pernah aku sangka, akan aku setuju menjadi untuknya perempuan itu - seorang isteri.

And little did I know, lafaz penyerahan oleh wali itu ada. 

"Adalah saya dari saat ini menyerahkan tanggungjawab nafkah, perlindungan, keselamatan...". Ayah ucap satu persatu dan bicaranya terhenti disitu dan suaranya tak lagi setenang, saat menyambung "...kasih sayang dan tanggungjawab agama Islam kepada kamu sebagai suami yang sah". Sekali lagi, barangkali cuma Tuhan yang mengerti bagaimana rasanya dalam hati saat mendengar ucap ayah.

Kata teman, I was expressionless. Ketawa juga aku dengar. I think I know I was expressionless but the mind just lost the ability to decide an expression throughout the solemnization. Sungguh, di balik wajah yang tak punya ekspresi itu, ada resah yang tak termanifestasi, ada gelisah yang tak terkhabarkan, ada gembira yang tak terlahirkan, ada gementar yang tak terceritakan, ada sebak yang tak terzahir, ada tangis yang tak terlepaskan. 

Alhamdulillah. Shukr lillah. Dan jazakumullah khayr buat semua yang membantu directly or indirectly. Sampai saat ini, sudah 45 hari and counting. And me, I'm still very much learning, well I guess, forever will be. Tak ada yang lebih didamba melainkan redha serta bimbingan Dia, redha serta bimbingan dia, restu dan nasihat kedua ibubapa, doa serta tunjuk ajar dari siapa sahaja. Sungguh, cukup perlu, setiap semua itu.

Dan itu.
Salam pertama.
Dan moga salam-salam seterusnya penuh cinta, sepenuh cinta salam pertama bahkan lebih lagi.

The Journey

 "Rabbi, bila aku jatuh hati, aku ingin terbang cepat, hingga syaitan tak sanggup hinggap."

-Salim Fillah-

September 2011

Life is full of surprises. Yang pahit-pahit, yang indah-indah. Adakala kita dikejut dengan hujan saat menyangka mentari kan bersinar terang hingga ke petang. Adakala kita dikejut dengan pelangi indah dalam rintik yang kian terhenti saat menyangka hujan tadi kan jadi lebih lebat hingga banjir yang tak tertanggungkan. Analogi pelangi is so yesterday yet it still holds true. The approximately 10 months break after deciding not to fly to Aussie (and to pursue my degree locally) treasures a number of unexpected moments. And one of them was being introduced to my then-fiance, now-husband. Virtually. Because we were on different continents back then. It was September 3 when I first know his full name.

We were introduced with the serious intention of a proper matchmaking. I didn't see that coming. He wasn't "searching". And we're both basically complete strangers being suggested to marry each other. Somehow, we both agreed to get to know each other. IOW, taaruf :) Basically, I got to know him roughly through his teacher who introduced us. And as for him, I thought the best way for him to know me was through kakak. Yep, kakak, the one who knows me as good as arwah mak. I wanted him to know me more than just the surface, I wanted him to know beyond my bright side. So things pretty much went that way until July 2012 when we kinda need to get in touch with each other directly.

July 2012

The first time we met. I couldn't think of a better setting than my house, where there were dear father, Abang Is, kak Fidah, the kids and atuk. And thus it was the first time dear husband first met me along with my family. Pertama kali bertentang mata? Aha..tak tertentang.

That was then followed by family visits during eid.

My nieces were the most excited about all this. They were like - 

Maksu, tu sape, boyfriend maksu ke?

Maksu, tunang maksu ke?

Definitely neither. Then I get -

Maksu suka kat dia?

Dia suka kat maksu?

Maksu, maksu kawen la dengan dia...

Kakak rasa maksu dengan dia sesuai la...

Siapa setuju maksu kawen dengan abang Faiz, angkat tangan!

The first time we went out together was some time after raya 2013. That was with kakak, Abang Ridzwan and the kids.

August 2013

Level up! We got the green light from family and the not-so-planned risik was on August 15. And me? I was at almost my cincai-est state. Made way home from KL not-so-early in the morning. Went for a short vacay to Melaka together with kakak and family, abang and family, paksu and maksu plus mak uda and kids. Dropped by Aunt Foon's shop in Taiping on the way and finally reached home more or less an hour lebih sikit maybe before husband and family's ETA. Pretty much didn't have or most probably couldn't think of what's best to put on myself with very limited time to get ready....and so that explain the cincai-ness of my appearance. Make-up? What make-up? Catch a few glances dekat cermin sempat lah :P

This was cincai kira, 2 years from when we first knew each other. Unfortunately I couldn't recall when he sort of proposed directly. Teehee~ And 2 years. Well they don't slip by like a wet fish slipping from the hand. So much things could've happened in one day, what more 2 years. He was in UK and I was in Malaysia. I think I can count with 1 hand how many times we met prior to risik. Calls? There weren't any calls for no dire need detected. Haha. Kakak je used to call him. Anyways, I'd rather not go on details but 2 years were enough for uncertainties and fears to scare, for doubts to haunt, for misunderstandings to chip in, for other options to be considered. I prayed for signs and I believe they were given. At times I don't feel quite sure with everything, my favourite quote for self-reminder was

"You constantly look for a sign and when it's given to you and you don't like the answer, you call it a coincidence. There are no coincidences." -Iain S. Thomas-

Indeed, there are no coincidences. Kalau sehelai daun yang jatuh ke bumi pun tidak lain tidak bukan kerana takdir Tuhan atasnya, apatah lagi bigger things in life. Things happened and it seemed like everything just led me back to him and we, biiznillah made it that far - risik.

January 19 2014

Loved the chocolate cake!

Officially engaged, biiznillah :) 

Was supposed to be somewhere in Pahang pricking some people's finger to test blood glucose during this time. The date picked clashed with my baktisiswa Pahang and adjustments seemed highly unlikely to be possible. I guess I have to be where I can't be replaced. As for him, he was nun jauh di Bintulu sana.

March 2014

June - August 2014

Post-exam cum The Bachelorette day-out. Thanks to the owner of the hands holding the forks and knife.

The second time we went out together. Was for fitting session at the bridal boutique. That was with dear father.

Of applying to pejabat agama, husband was lucky enough tak kena interview. He was in a rush too masa tu. Can't cuti long enough to settle everything and it's costly to come back to semenanjung often. As for me, can't lari from interview. Study few minutes before pergi pejabat agama and end up dengan penuh confident (dalam nervous tak terkata) dan lancarnya jawab rukun nikah ada empat - pengantin lelaki, pengantin perempuan, wali, saksi. Alhamdulillah that pakcik didn't fail me :D

Of telling Ecah & Dali about the interview.

Around before Ramadhan, someone came back for a short break from NZ to be with her family sekaligus to spend some time together with me during my last single days. Dear you, that means a lot :)

Dua hari prior to nikah, went to lepak pekena teh madras with Cila. 

Of preparing for wedding, quoting dearest Cila - 

"dia la pengantin wannabe paling relaxxxxx relaxxxxx sngt. Aku hat kalot lebih."

Preparing wasn't easy. Wished late mother was around but she's definitely somewhere better insha-Allah. All praise be to Allah, I can't be more thankful to all those who have been a big help throughout the preparation. I dare not mention names and contributions. I know and Allah knows better and He's the best I could ask to repay each and everyone's kindness.

August 1 2014
Kakak's arrival from Florida. After weather and flight issues, though delayed, alhamdulillah, kakak safely arrived with Zach.

August 2 2014

Biiznillah, the solemnization.

This ought to be written about in a new entry :)

Mee Udang Yaakob Hashim

because I always felt sayur interferes with the core taste and because I don't usually eat sayur :D

Cerita lama. Kalau simpan mee udang tu dari tarikh makan sampai sekarang, pasti dah subur dengan mikroorganisma. But..never too late to write about, kot :) Jun lepas, alhamdulillah, dikurnia kelapangan masa, kenderaan dan kemampuan untuk menjemput pulang that special someone I'd call perempuan Scorpio, di lapangan terbang. Because her house tak jauh sangat (kot?) dari Pulau Sayak and because kitorang tak berapa ada selera tengahari tu and because I never tried mee udang Pulau Sayak yang kononnya femes, we opted to mengembara mencari mee udang. Our pick was Mee Udang Yaakob Hashim. Kenapa Yaakob Hashim punya? Sebab yang tu yang first aku nampak kat results Google bila aku cari Mee Udang Pulau Sayak. Since it's important in life to set a goal, thus I made that a goal :D

 

Tempat dia atas sikit dari Fish Research Institute (FRI). Banyak signboards seperti "Pulau Sayak 6 km" to guide ke sana. The mee udang was alhamdulillah good. Manis-manis pedas. Makan lama-lama rasa macam boleh tahan gak la pedas dia. I don't think I can ever be a good food critic but as a human who eats, it was basically okay la. Udang dia gedabak (yay!). Jangan ditanya nama udang because undefined in my system. Yang pasti, udang kering aku kenal. I'm not sure memang kedai dia work that way atau masa kitorang sampai je macam tu - they only have kuah mee udang tu je and boleh choose to eat dengan mee/koay teow/bihun...je. Takde nasi goreng, bihun goreng, ayam goreng kunyit, ikan bakar et cetera. 

 

And lastly that's the view from our table. Memang kedai dia betul-betul tepi pantai. Dari tempat duduk aku, jalan sepuluh langkah sederhana, boleh kot sampai hampir dengan laut. Masa kitorang pergi ni tengahari, panas lit-lit so it wasn't a good time nak stroll di tepi pantai catching up dan mengimbau kenangan manis. Boleh tengok aje la. But well, alhamdulillah for the sight! And hearing! Masih boleh see and also hear the waves crashing the shore :) Somewhat calming.

There were more to the day than what's written but some things are meant to just stay in memory and some things are hardly translated into words :) Can't thank Allah more for the chance to know perempuan Scorpio and  for all the time I get to spend with her.

Not sure if I'd go back to Yaakob Hashim for mee udang sebab bukan fan of mee udang (kalau laksa tu mungkin aaa) but I'd say it's worth the try! :)

Ramadhan kareem!

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Allah masih stretch usia untuk tiba di Ramadhan ini. 

Tentang usia

Subhanallah subhanallah, pada malam pertama Tuhan sudah seolah hadiahkan sebuah peringatan soal usia. In the middle of tarawih, dengan mata yang masih merah dan basah, cemas a sister cuba mendapatkan a makcik di saf hadapan untuk khabarkan perginya bondanya tersayang. They're not some stranger, both the kakak and her late mom which was affectionately called Mak Teh/Tok Teh are my jiran. Tok Teh was my late mom's friend jugak and masa kecik-kecik mama used to bring me to Tok Teh's house once in a while. And setiap tahun, she's one of those yang cukup istiqamah dalam tarawih attendance. Sampai when she dah so tak larat, she still datang and solat using chair. Subhanallah. May Allah bless her soul. The news wasn't very much shocking considering Tok Teh's age and her health condition. Cuma, diperingatkan soal kematian pada malam pertama Ramadhan itu bagai simbahan air ais ke tubuh pada pagi yang cukup dingin. Orang utara kata, ketaq baq hang. Sometimes, we get so busy with life's events and we have so much plans for the so many things we anticipate in life that sometimes we forgot hampirnya kematian and that  kita tak bisa jangka saat mana ruh akan dijemput. Allahurabbi. Moga Tuhan suluh cahaya saat samar ingatan kita pada 'saat itu' dan moga Dia juga kurnia taufiq agar kita bisa perbaik alignment jiwa agar tak tersasar langgar divider et cetera T_T.

8 atau 20?

Dari tazkirah in between tarawih, 2 ustaz dah mention perihal pertikaian soal bilangan rakaat tarawih. 8 ke? 20 ke? 36 ke? Sebenarnya, kata ustaz, semua ada dalil and basically, once ada dalil, semua boleh jalan. 8 boleh. 20 boleh. 36 pun boleh. And while in this topic, one of the ustaz shared a story of Hassan al-Banna. As a teacher, beliau pernah kena posting ke a place where beliau found out that very few orang datang tarawih at the local masjid. There were so many muslims' houses yet the number of people who turned up at the masjid langsung tak resemble jumlah rumah-rumah yang ada. Lepas tanya-tanya, Hassan al-Banna found out rupanya the local jemaah bertelagah soal berapa rakaat tarawih and finally most of them buat tarawih di rumah sendiri. Considering the situation, he decided to do something about it. He ajak the imam to go from house to house and ajak the people datang solat berjemaah di masjid. Perhaps sebab segan (malu) sebab some stranger yang bukan local ajak, many turned up malam tu. Prior to tarawih, Hassan al-Banna gave a speech. Dalam speech beliau, beliau ajukan dua soalan: 

Apa hukumya tarawih? Apa hukumnya bertengkar dalam masjid?

Tarawih itu sunat. Manakala bertengkar dalam masjid itu haram. Barangkali terkabur yang mana satu yang aula dalam gigih memperteguh pendapat masing-masing. Kemudian beliau ajukan pula soalan:

Berapa ramai rakyat Mesir yang terkorban dalam pembinaan Terusan Suez dan siapa yang kemudiannya mengaut keuntungan dari Terusan itu?

Ramai yang tak terjawab. Maka ternyata hal yang remeh telah dibiar memecahbelah ummah manakala permasalahan ummah yang jauh lebih besar tidak pula mendapat perhatian. Allahurabbi. And that was zaman Hassan al-Banna. But the core issue sounds very much familiar juga nowadays...no? :(

Ramadhan

Dari satu sisi, Ramadhan is when reality hits. Takde dah the devils yang kita selalu blame. Kalau hari lain kita lambat-lambat solat mungkin kita kata - Ish, salah the devil ah ni. Tapi kalau Ramadhan, kita sama jugak, maka jelas terang lagi bersuluh berspotlight semua cukup, bahawasanya, it's not the devils, it's us. But well, salah the devils jugak, perhaps diorang dah customized/modified nafsu kita cukup untuk 'play their role' while diorang not available. But well, 'immune system' kita or 'firewall' kita tak cukup kuat jugak la maknanya T_T. Perhaps hikmahnya Ramadhan, we get to know who we really have become. Under no influence of the devils, Ramadhan seolah beri peluang untuk kita really look into ourselves seterusnya perbaik dan menambahbaik diri. 

Kelmarin, ustaz tazkirah tarawih tu kasi satu analogi. Katakan, kita sedang pandu kereta. Pastu kita nampak ada orang tolak motosikal dia. Kita nampak dia lalu kedai repair motor tapi tak berhenti. Kita pun pergi approach tanya minyak habis ke? motor rosak ke? takleyh start ke? Tapi dia jawab semuanya okay. Kita yang baik hairan pun tanya lah - Dah semua okay, awat (kenapa) tak naik? Sekali dia jawab kat kita - Saja~ And thus brader yang ada motosikal yang sihat walafiat tapi tak naik itu seolah mereka yang diberi Ramadhan tapi langsung tak mengambil manfaatnya dan cuma penat berpuasa. Nauzubillah min zalik.

I do feel that my Ramadhan differs from year to year. Perhaps tanggungjawab berubah, tuntutan dunia berubah, aktiviti berubah which then sum up to a sort of different Ramadhan on different year. Tidak dapat tidak, khuatirnya, does it get better or does it get worst? Allahurabbi. Walau bagaimana kita menyelusuri Ramadhan, berlari, merangkak, berguling atau bahkan mengesot sekalipun, moga kita pada 1 Syawal nanti, andai Tuhan izin kita sampai, lebih baik dari kita pada 30 Syaaban. May Allah guide us all.

B

Kerana tiada yang lebih indah dari gigihnya ombak yang tak pernah mahu berhenti mengucup pantai meski tiap kali ditarik pergi.

---------------------------------------------------

Someone shared a video of Sarah Kay reciting this beautiful poem of hers on Facebook
and I just fell in love at first heard.

Sang Kiai

*azan*

Kamu Muslim?

Ya, kyai.

Bagaimana bisa kamu mengaku Muslim
kalau panggilan itu sama sekali tidak mengetuk-ngetuk kalbu?

Panggilan itu seharusnya menggugurkan segala kegiatan yang sedang kamu lakukan.

 

--------------------------------

Perempuan itu ibarat pakaian buat laki-laki -
menghangatkan ketika hujan, meneduhkan saat kemarau.

-------------------------------

Prasangka buruk itu tidak selalunya datang dari ingatan yang buruk

bisa jadi cuma kerana ketidaktahuan.

--------------------------------

Pesantren tidak boleh membebani biaya pada para santri. 

Sekarang *nama* baru faham kiai, mengapa kyai bertani dan berdagang.

Tapi kenapa kyai turun tangan sendiri menanam sawah kyai.

Kyai bisa saja menyuruh *nama* atau para santri yang lain untuk membantu di sawah.

Dengan membantu para petani kita bisa merasakan jerih payah mereka.

Dengan begitu kita bisa menghargai nasi yang kita makan.

---------------------------------

Dari tahun lepas tunggu 

tunggu filem Sang Kiai dimuatnaik ke Youtube

dan akhirnya :)

Kasut

Put yourself in one's shoes.

Bet that's one good idiom.

Kasut. 

Aku kira kasut tu perlambangan untuk 'hidup' yang boleh tahan sesuai. Lebih biasa dari tidak, kita selalu nampak orang pakai kasut begini begitu macam best je dan rasa apasal kasut kita macam tak best, macam susah nak jalan, macam tak selesa, macam-macam. Bet that's all about sensation and perception. Cewah, mentang-mentang ambil subjek Central Nervous System semester ni. 

Barangkali perception kita tak selari dengan sensation yang si owner kasut rasa. Sensation yang dia rasa, yang jarang sekali zahir pada mata kita.

Nampak macam lawa je kasut dia, lawa je bila dia jalan, kita tak tahu kalau-kalau ada blister kat kaki kanan dia. Nampak macam cun je kasut, kita tak tahu kalau-kalau tapak dia haus dan sebab tu dia pernah tergelincir jatuh. Nampak macam steady je kasut, kita tak tahu kalau-kalau tapak dia ada lubang dan tiap kali hujan, stokin dia basah. Nampak macam curvy elok je kasut dia, kita tak tahu kalau-kalau kaki dia sakit. Nampak macam selesa je kasut dia, kita tak tahu berapa dia spent untuk dapat kasut tu. 

Because everything has a price to pay. 

Just because we don't see the 'paying' process, doesn't mean it's FOC.

Tuhan tak pernah tak adil. 

Cuma saksamanya Dia ada masanya tak tercapai akal kita :)

------------------------------

Pergi usha tudung kat bilik member, sekali macam-macam ibrah pulak dapat.

Indeed, tarbiyyah dari Tuhan tu macam-macam format ada.

May us be hamba yang bersyukur dan hamba yang belajar from whatever tarbiyyah Allah hadirkan :)

Berat

   

Berat mata memandang.

Berat lagi bahu memikul.

Masih berat tangan menghenti.

Berat.

36:65

41:22

Ouch.

25 Dec

Old story.
Maybe I'm just finding a reason to write.
Or maybe the will to write just arrived after a long while :)

It was 25 Dec.

It was in the middle of my study week. Time famous untuk dapat jemputan walimah sebab tengah cuti sekolah. Kata perempuan scorpio - asal kenduri je, hang ada exam, asal kenduri je, hang ada quiz/test. But anyhow, since the invitation came early and I have a strong reason to attend (boleh attend dengan perempuan scorpio yang cuma pulang Malaysia setahun sekali sejak melanjutkan pelajaran di negara di mana pasukan ragbinya terkenal sebagai All Blacks), so dah save the date awal-awal and sort of planned kerja-kerja (cewahh) so that ada kapasiti masa yang cukup untuk escape dari study week kejap, for that. And I guess it's just me, memang perlu little escapes during study weeks as always.

The initial plan was nothing much, pick up perempuan scorpio, attend walimah then perhaps lepak kejap before going back but it all changes when we stumbled upon 4 other coursemates back then in INTEC aside from the one whose walimah we were attending. It felt somewhat good to see those familiar faces yang tak jumpa sekian lama. One came with her mom, the others datang sendiri so after done with makan-makan and take photos one of them ajak makan cendol if and only if the gerai opens so yeah, makan stuffs kan - hard to resist :D Oh ye, one of us actually took train datang Penang lepas balik kerja the day before and arrived kat Bukit Mertajam railway station pagi Dec 25 tu.

So off 5 of us to the gerai cendol tak ingat nama apa in Kepala Batas (femes katanya) and alhamdulillah it was open. Sat in circle. No tables. Plastic stools saja. Pegang mangkuk cendol. Bawah big tree. No payung. No bumbung. With the risk of bird poop falling into the bowl (which actually happened to one of us once upon a time. hihi. mujur tak cedok makan.). It felt like no biggie. Topics were very much different compared to zaman buat Ausmat dulu. Yang pasti takde topik research project untuk ESL. More of upcoming friends' weddings, who's next, internship, salary, jobs.

Soal intern, gaji...well I guess I'm a bit terkebelakang sikit when it comes to that sebab belum ada experience bab tu. Oh ye, dalam 5 of us tu, I'm the only in health science field, yang lain semua geng engineering. Perempuan scorpio is software engineer to be, insha-Allah. Was intending to do attachment kat retail pharmacy tapi asyik tinggal intention saja. The attachment is still optional. Always have the feeling - I'm gonna have to do that job soon after grad so why not spend the free time now doing something else. But experience itu emas. But but but. Macam tu lah. Hopefully the rajin-ness to do attachment arrives sooner or later while there's chance.

Masa sembang-sembang while having cendol,

one of us said - Rasa macam dewasa.

Guess so :)

May our ages bertambah with barakah!

For those yang dah ada candidate, may Allah ease untuk gerak ke next step :)