Quitting writing

She gave birth to twins last night :)

 At one point, couple of weeks back, I had this feeling of deleting this blog. Sort of lost the ability to write as before. Experiences, they really do have a great impact on one's perception, sometimes emotion and sometimes personality. Experiences, they can change people. And I guess sometimes, experiences can rob one's ability to write (despite the experience have nothing to do with writing). Boleh macam tu? :) It's just that, I guess, at some points in life, things happened which could poetically make you  jatuh terduduk dan fikir panjang what on earth are you doing to your life. Told a friend I couldn't write like before and she was like 'Patutlah you ambil kelas Pronunciation!". 

So, pronunciation class. Choices were limited. Father, sister and bro-in-law was highly recommending Spoken English class as it'll be a good practice. Well, I have stage fright and thus I didn't have the sufficient inclination towards that kind of class that could make me register. And considering my will to write is being like Chipsmore - now you see it, now you don't, I even more feel like going for pronunciation class. Father was being very motivating though. When I was saying I'm sort of afraid I might not do well in presentations, father came with the quote 'Every failure is a success'. Sister was like 'haa tudia, pak keluar quote dah..hahaha'. So influenced by my dearest family members, I decided to register for the spoken english class and guess what, enrolment quota is full. Told them about that and bro-in-law wrapped up the discussion of Pronunciation vs Spoken English with the line - "God has spoken." :P So yeah, I registered for pronunciation class which I know no one else that I know registered for that class. Redah je lah, Khadijah (oh it rhymes! =.=").

Anyway, I decided not to delete this blog. And I decided to try and write again. Suddenly. But I guess this thing about 'me' and 'blogging here' has become much like a friend's theory about resuming a relationship after a break-up - the feeling is going to be different, things won't be the same anymore. But I guess that's a little bit better than totally giving up on blogging here. And speaking of giving up, sometimes...sometimes.. it is the best thing to do which you'll find yourself thanking the younger you for doing so on something or in some cases, someone.

So...yeah, experiences, they change perceptions sometimes. As I grow older (cewah...), sometimes I find myself laughing looking at things I used to write and sometimes feel so embarrassed that I wrote what I wrote and sometimes I simply just dislike very much (hate is too strong) what I've written like maybe months or years before. And who knows maybe 2 years from now I'd find myself disliking what I wrote or how I've written things here now. Well, growing up is a process...though in a way, I sometimes think, if there's a uniformity in my thoughts/perception, that'll mean something like I've reached a stable stage of character development or something like that. But well, life is unpredictable and since I'm living a life so I can be unpredictable as well, no? :P

All in all, I endlessly wish that my faith would stay as strong....or become stronger with time. Because at the end of the day, it's iman that guides us in things we do and of course, the ultimate guidance comes from Allah swt. May Allah guide us all in every step we take.